Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
