so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
im holly from the hills drunk
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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