Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
