I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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