Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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