If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
