Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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