the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
