so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
