I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
