dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
