i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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