we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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