Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I got inside last night via doggy door
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
