How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I puked a lego.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
