Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
