the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
