she smelled like a LAN party
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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