since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i think i just naturally attract stoners
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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