"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i will never coherently bang her
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
