Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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