I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
