And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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