I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
