Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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