remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
