The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
