you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
