I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Mom said you looked used
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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