there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
