Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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