Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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