You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
