That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
