I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
