he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
