Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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