He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
