What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
