I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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