Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
