Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
