I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
