ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
