This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
