Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
