Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
