All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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