Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he fucked my hip out of place.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
