She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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