He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
