I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
