dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
