my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
