It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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