Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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