It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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