You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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