Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
