Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
