His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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