I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize