But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
