I love black thongs
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
