I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
