She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
