I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
