actually, I'm a sock model
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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