Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
we made out on top of his cat.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
do herpes really smell.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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