he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
