Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
