I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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