you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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