his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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