it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
