i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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