Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
