I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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